Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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