after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
