that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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