dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
