I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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