The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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