I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this will be a night to untag.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
