i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
