just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
