Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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