My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
