Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
