somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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