I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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