I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize