I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
