i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
