she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
