Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
