Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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