I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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