just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
