How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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