I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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