chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
