Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
