wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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