We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
