sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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