Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
