so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
