Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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