Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
