The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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