i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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