Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
