Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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