Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
