the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
