Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
