I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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