You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
