Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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