I need to stop coming to work sober
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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