i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
