Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
