it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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