I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
