I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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