ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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