am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
