Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
