if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
