i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
