don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
