I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
