I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
