I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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