I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
