you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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