just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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