Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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