She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
