When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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