I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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