I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
