She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
