We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have feelings that need drinking.
Randomize
