Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
