It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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