why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
