Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize