I looked at my own cervix.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
