So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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